TDRPW Survivor Series 2014
(We cut backstage to Reverend Heo celebrating after his sunday service the only way he can : with a bag of Taki’s in his hands and some sweet Asian tits in his face. As this goes of Ned Flanders walks into the rope and takes Heo’s World title off the dresser, walking by to Heo and draping it over his shoulder.) Ned Flanders: How are you dun diddly doing tonight, champ? Heo: Pretty damn good, esse, pretty damn good. I finally get to stomp out that culero ,TeamDark once and for all. Ned Flanders: I know you can do it, Heo! I had Rod and Todd do a little prayer for you earlier, you have the power of the Lord on your side and no uuhhh…”Max Goof” is going to stop that. Heo: Thank you Ned. I spoke to the Lord today actually. Ned Flanders: Really? That’s amazing! What did the Lord have to say? Heo: The Lord said “Heo, you sexy Mexican beast, you have been nothing but a perfect follower and for all of your support I will reward you. I promise you that tonight you will NOT lose! No matter what cost….unless it’s over 2.99 since I know how you are.” Ned Flanders: That is just dang diddly great! Go out there and show them what you’re made of, I believe in you! Heo: Would you say that you….bolieve in me? Ned Flanders: Of course! Heo: *sniffles* Nobody has bolieved in me since I cancelled my third straight zombie RP…. (Heo and Ned embrace as Heo breaks down in tears.) Ned Flanders: There, there, don’t cry now. It’s ok. Let it all out. Heo: Sorry about the snot on your sweater…. Ned Flanders: It’s ok, I have a good 500 pairs of this same one. (Ned Flanders looks up and sees Heather in a bikini, trying to leave.) Ned: Heo, your wench is trying to leave. Heo: DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO LEAVE! Heather: Sorry….. Heo: Yeah you better be sorry. I’m trying to help you better yourself! I’m teaching you the way! But the only way I can help you is if I receive payment in return! Ned Flanders: Heo is a messenger of the lord and even those who do deliver deserve a tip! Heo: Or in your case, JUST the tip. Ned Flanders: You heard the man, pull that top off and get to flopping those titt-erinos! Heather: Ok…….. (Heather slowly begins to pull her top off while she cries.) Heather: I knew it was all going downhill after All Stars……. (Heather pulls the whole top off as the camera switches over to Heo’s reaction.) Heo: Yeah……….. (The footage ends as the Survivor Series logo floats on the screen.) Voice Over: TDRPW PRESENTS……..SURVIVOR SERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Pyro blares off in the arena to “You’re Gonna Go Far Kid” by The Offspring as the packed crowd of 28,000 are fucking pumped to see this event. We get a good view of the signs in the audience which include things such as “Too Max Goof”, “BOOTISTA”, “JRO Ate My Pizza”, “Stone GOAT Rock Boston” and “Sweg”. The camera moves over to our announce team as always which consists of Hijo Williams and Devon Duncans who seem to have a third man at their booth this time around.) Hijo: WELCOME EVERYONE TO THIS NOVEMBER TRADITION, SURVIVOR SERIES! THE CROWD IS SOLD OUT HERE TONIGHT READY TO SEE ALL THESE FEUDS COME TO A BRUTAL END! I KNOW, IM PUMPED FOR THIS, I KNOW DEVON IS PUMPED FOR THIS, BUT TIBERIUS, ARE YOU PUMPED FOR THIS!? Tiberius: I sure am! Hello everyone my name is Tiberius Davidson but you can call me TD! Man am I psyched to be here tonight to call this amazing event! Devon: Just great, another bitch boy to join me on commentary…….. Hijo: Why thank you Devon. Now on the topic of assholes…. Devon: HEY! Hijo:..... Let’s talk about the main event of this card, we have TDRPW’s most hated regular member: Rocker B.A. creating a team of people ready to take on a special force led by Chwiis in a No Disqualification, No Count Out “Godplay Rules” 5 on 5 elimination match! If you are pinned in this match the fight keeps going, but should one whole team get eliminated this baby is over! TD: That certainly will make for one hell of a contest! Devon: And don’t you guys forget about the first defense of Boograssi’s TDRPW title, which was awarded to him earlier this month. He defends it tonight against none other than the team of Zeebem10 and Windindi in a 2 on 1 handicap match! TD: There’s also a World title matchup between The Reverend Heozaki and TeamDark! Hijo: This is an amazing list of matchups, you know what I can’t wait anymore, let’s have our opening contest! (We switch over to our new ring announcer, Heather11203333.) Heather112: The following is contest is a Total Drama character vs Total Drama character match and it is scheduled for one fall! Already in the ring in the red corner, she is the Scarlett haired vixen, the the hidden commando, the lover of Mike and Total Drama All Stars’ runner up, the self proclaimed true Queen of Godding………...ZOEEEEEYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Devon: ALL HAIL THE QUEEN LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Hijo: SHUT UP! Heather112: And her opponent in the blue corner, she is the Total Drama Pahkitew Island finalists, the causer of cancer, she is the nice girl olympian………….. SKYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!! TD: Oh mer gurd, Sky is here tonight! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) Hijo: The bell rings as both girls immediately start going at it! Zoey attempts to shoot lazers out of her eyes but Sky uses that (lightning) quick speed to move out of the way and deliver a karate kick to the back! Zoey flies a good ten feet into the air before falling back down to the ground and receiving palms thrusts to the chest, followed by Sky jumping up and standing on Zoey’s shoulders, balancing herself as she kick away at the face of Zoey! Devon: What is she Bruce Lee or some shit? Luckily Zoey catches both legs and begins to swing her around and around. One rotation…..two……….three……..four…..five…..six….seven…..eight…...nine…..ten...TEN ROTATIONS! TD: Congrats, you know simple counting, maybe you can finally pass the 2nd grade! Moving on Zoey continues swinging her almost to the point that these two are a blur to the human eye! Around and around they go and - SKY BEGINS TO VOMIT AS IT SPRAYS ALL AROUND RINGSIDE! Devon: Oh god, It’s on me! TD: Shut up Meg! Zoey’s had enough of that as she lets go of the swing and tosses Sky right into the audience!!!!!! Sky went right through a wall and to the concession stands outside of the main arena! We might need medical attention out here, somebody help her! The crowd walks out to take a look at her...AND SHE JUMPS UP LIKE ALMOST NOTHING HAPPENED, HOW DOES SHE DO THAT? Hijo: I don’t know how she does it, but it’s amazing! She runs through that hole in the wall and begins to fly in the air, asking Zoey to join her! Zoey gets up and starts jumping from row to row like a ninja until she meets Sky up at 75 feet and delivers a bunch right to the jaw! Sky isn’t at all phased as she slaps the taste right out of Zoey’s mouth! Not wanting to be outdone Zoey knees Sky in the stomach and then picks her up! SHE SHOOTS THROUGH THE WALL OF THE ARENA AND TO THE OUTSIDE OF THE BUILDING! WHAT DOES SHE HAVE PLANNED? Devon: I think I know what she’s about to do! She’s shooting through the earth’s atmosphere and is about to fly down like a meteor to finish off Sky! She begins to fly up to the heavens, ready to finish this! SHE’S ALL THE WAY UP, THIS IS IT! SHE FLIES ALL THE WAY DOWN WITH SKY’S BODY AS A SHIELD, THEY’RE COMING IN HOT, OH MY GOD! TD: LOOK AT THIS! DAVE! DAVE! DAVE IS COMING IN TO SAVE SKY WITH A ROCKET LAUNCHER AS HE SHOOTS IT AT SKY AND INTERCEPTS THE MOVE! DAVE: ALULULULULULULULULULU TD:ZOEY IS PISSED OFF AND WHO CAN BLAME HER! OH SHIT MAL IS HERE TO TAKE DAVE OUT AS HE KNOCKS DAVE THE FUCK OUT WITH A ROCK! HE GIVES ZOEY TO THE GO AHEAD TELLING HER TO TRY IT AGAIN! Hijo: IT’S TOO LATE, SKY HAS COME TO HER SENSE! SHE DOES A COMPLETE 180 FLIP IN THE AIR AND ROUNDHOUSE KICKS ZOEY BACK DOWN TO THE RING! SHE FLIES UP….AND COMES DOWN LIKE A METEOR! SHE’S LITERALLY IN FLAMES ABOUT TO FALL ON TOP OF ZOEY, SHE’S COMING DOWN…..AND SHE LANDS ON ZOEY IN AN EXPLOSIVE WAY! THE REFEREE GETS DOWN TO COUNT, COVER!!!!!!!!! ONEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) Heather112: THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH…...SKKKKKKKKYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! TD: SKY HAS DONE IT! SHE CAN FINALLY SAY THAT SHE HAS OUT GODDED THE QUEEN OF GODDERS! Devon: LOOKS LIKE I KNOW WHO I’M SIGNING UP FOR WHEN PI COMES AROUND! Hijo: That was an epic opener and things only get better from here. Up next is Rocky vs RJ where the winner gets to join Team Rocker later tonight! That’s happening in a few moments but first let’s get an interview with our TDRPW champion Boograssi! (We’re now backstage with Boograssi and Dean as Grass is running in place.) Dean: In just about an hour you will have your first title defense against the team of Wind and Zee. How confident are you in winning this match? Grass: Dean my boi, those hams aint nothing to sweat. The hell can they do to me? I’ll tell you: nothing. I’m walking out still the TDRPW Champion tonight and if anyone has a problem with that than they’ll just have to #DealWithIt. (Suddenly police officers bust through the door.) Officer: FREEZE!!!! Grass: What the hell!? Officer: We said freeze! Grass: ALRIGHT! (Grass raises his hands up and gets on his knees to tell them he means no harm.) Officer: HE’S RESISTING Grass: NO I’M NOT, I’M NOT EVEN MOVING! Officer: LOOK AT HIS POCKET I THINK HE HAS A GUN! Grass: OH FUCK OUTTA HERE! Officer: RESTRAIN HIM! (The police begin to tackle and pummel Boograssi, stomping and punching away like his name was Toby.) Hijo: What the heck do you think that was about? TD: I have no idea but we’ll try our best to give you all an update on that as soon as we can, stay with us because right now it is time for Rocky vs RJ! Heather112: The following contest is a singles match scheduled for one fall! The winner of this match will join Team Rocker tonight in the main event! (“Glass Shatters” by Jim Johnston plays as Rocky LXIX makes his way to the ring.) Heather112: Introducing first, from Maryland…...ROCKY LXIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (The Survivor Theme plays as SteelWolf makes his way to the ring.) Heather112: And his opponent, from California……..STEELWOLF!!!!!!!!!! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) Devon: Here. We. Go! RJ AND ROCKY EXCHANGE RIGHTS AND LEFTS RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE! IT STARTS OUT EVENLY BUT ROCKY EVENTUALLY GETS THE BETTER OF THE EXCHANGE, NOT LETTING RJ GET A HIT IN! HE PRESSES RJ AGAINST THE ROPES AND HAS HIM BOUNCE OFF THEM INTO HIS ARMS AS HIS DOES AN OVERHEAD TOSS TO RJ! RJ rolls out of the ring to catch a breather but Rocky won’t let that happen so he follows him outside. RJ notices this and the way he walks quickens. Rocky picks up his pace too and soon this turns into a chase around the ring! RJ makes a mad dash back into the ring but when Rocky rolls back in RJ uses that moment of defenselessness to jump Rocky, stomping away at his back! Hijo: Rocky tries to get to his feet during this beatdown but RJ grabs him by the hair and slams him face first into the canvas allowing for the beating to continue! He stops the attack and gets Rocky into a headlock, trying to wear him down so he can’t fight back! TD: RJ is putting all his weight on this hold, trying hard to make sure Rocky doesn’t get to his feet! Rocky is starting to stand but RJ gets a running start and slams Rocky back down! RJ changes the headlock up and does a gator roll around the ring before slamming his knee right into the crown of Rocky’s head! RJ picks Rocky up and drapes Rocky’s arm around his head before grabbing him by the side, flipping him over on his back with pure strength! He gets on top of Rocky for the pin! ONEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!! KICKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RJ: How about we say it’s a three and call it a day? Ref: Nah. RJ: Awe. Hijo: RJ goes back to attacking Rocky but just as he turns around but Rocky being the GOAT that he is, bucks RJ into the air! Just as RJ lands back on the ground Rocky has him fall right into his arms for a body slam! He sees this as his chance, he runs the ropes….LEG DROP! COVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! Hijo: Wait, RJ’s foot is on the ropes meaning the pin doesn’t count! Wait, what the...WHAT’S HE DOING HERE? DID HE PUT RJ’S FOOT ON THE ROPE!? Rocker: Surprise mothafucka. TD: IT’S ROCKER! IT’S ROCKER! HE JUST STOPPED ROCKY FROM WINNING! Rocker: I’m not letting your racist, homophobic, Caleb loving ass anywhere near my team you basic bitch! Devon: Rocky slides his foot through the ropes, kicking Rocker in the face! He turns around for RJ -- AND RJ USES THE DISTRACTION TO HIT ROCKY RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH THE SURVIVOR SEASON 1 BOX SET!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE TOSSES IT OUT OF THE RING BEFORE THE REF CAN SEE AND COVERS ROCKY!!!! NOT THIS WAY!!!!! ONEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hijo: ROCKY KICKED OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RJ CAN’T BELIEVE IT! RJ: THAT’S IT! TD: RJ climbs to the top turnbuckle! HE JUMPS OFF AND HITS AN ELBOW DROP! NO, ROCKY CATCHES HIM BY THE THROAT…..CHOKESLAM! WAIT, RJ ESCAPES AND RUNS AWAY INTO THE CROWD!!!!! ROCKY JUMPS OUT OF THE RING AND FOLLOWS SUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Devon: They’re in the parking lot now as RJ takes a civilian out of their car and attempts to drive off! Rocky tries to catch up but it’s too late! This is impossible to do on foot, it looks like RJ is in the clear! (RJ being the Asian that he is crashed the car into nearby van as soon he drives it. He gets out of the car holding his neck as Rocky grabs him by the shirt and slams him against the windshield.) TD: OH BOY, IT LOOKS LIKE RJ IS ABOUT TO GET WHAT IS COMING TO HIM! ROCKY RAISES HIS FIST IN THE AIR TO EXCITE THE CROWD AND STARTS PUNCHING AWAY! RJ IS IN MAJOR TROUBLE HERE - CHIP IS IN WITH THE SAVE! HE NAILS ROCKY AND HELPS RJ TO HIS FEET, THIS IS ABOUT TO BECOME A 2 ON 1 SITUATION! Hijo: HEY NOW LOOK AT WHO IS ON TOP OF THE VAN! IT’S GODUNCAN! HE’S COME TO EVEN THE ODDS FOR ROCKY! HE JUMPS OFF AND DIVES ON ALL THREE MEN! (All four men start to go at it as someone soon walks out of the van that has been hit.) Devon: Wait a minute, that van looks familiar...ITS THE MYSTERY MACHINE AND OUR GENERAL MANAGER METANUKI IS COMING OUT OF IT! Meta: Now wait just a minute playas. It’s obvious all four of you want to go at it and I know for a fact the fans want to see it as well which is why I have made a decision. This will now be A TAG TEAM MATCH! Chunkychipackers and SteelWolf vs Rocky and GODuncan. And it’s going on right now!!!!!!!! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) TD: It’s tag team time and man am I hyped! GO and Rocky are tearing it up right now! A boot to the face of Chip, a back body drop to RJ! They link arms and run to Chip, knocking him over! RJ has had enough of this as he backs away! RJ: Chip, you know what. I’m sure you got this! Just don’t want to risk losing my unpinned streak bae! TD: RJ IS TAKING A PAGE OUT OF FIZ’ PLAYBOOK AND BAILING! HE’S RUNNING AND LEAVING CHIP TO THE WOLVES AFTER HE WENT OUT OF HIS WAY TO SAVE RJ! CHIP TAKES A PUNCH TO THE FACE BY GO AND TURNS AROUND INTO ROCKY’S GRASP! Devon: CHOKESLAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO DROPS DOWN AND GOES FOR THE PIN!!!!!!! ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) Heather112: HERE ARE YOUR WINNERS…...ROCKY LXIX AND GODUNCAN!!!!!!!!! SINCE ROCKY IS ON THE WINNING SIDE HE MOVES ON TO TEAM ROCKER!!!!!!!!!!! (As they celebrate we cut back to Boograssi being loaded into the police car, covered in bruises after getting his ass kicked.) Boograssi: Why are you doing this? Police: You know why dirt bag! (Toast happily rolls by on his scooter wearing a sheriff’s hat and badge, observing everyone.) Boograssi: Toast, help! (Toast pays no mind to what’s going on as he rolls away from the scene and checks out other areas in the building.) Toast: Hey! You there! Yeah, you! Garret: What? (Toast walks up to Garret and superkicks him right in the face, knocking him out.) Toast: Welp, my job as Mod has been done for the day. (We cut back to the ring as we see JRO and Fiz in their corners.) Heather112: THE FOLLOWING IS AN SUPER SMASH BROTHERS BRAWL! AND IT IS SCHEDULED FOR ONE FALL!!!!!! ANY SSB CHARACTER CAN PARTICIPATE IN THIS MATCH UP IN ORDER TO HELP EITHER OPPONENT! IN THE BLUE CORNER, FROM CALIFORNA…….FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! (Fiz poses in the ring as the crowd goes nuts.) Heather112: AND HIS OPPONENT, IN THE RED CORNER WEIGHING IN AT 535 POUNDS FROM BOSTON HE IS….JRO123!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (JRO slams one foot on the canvas at a time akin to a sumo wrestler as them man titties bounce around. People take pictures with their camera as he tries to switch his stance to make himself look skinnier, but you can see dat fat ass from every angle.) (Ding! Ding! Ding!) Hijo: This match is underway as Fiz runs straight at JRO, punching and punching like his life depended on it! Just look at him go, blow after blow, just imagine how rocked JRO feels at the moment! (Fiz is getting hyped over how many hits he’s getting in but soon tires out as JRO’s gut absorbs most of the punishment, leaving JRO perfectly fine. Fiz rests himself for a second but that second is enough for JRO to use his big meaty fingers to flick Fiz away like a fly.) TD: THE FORCE OF JRO IS INSANE! HE BACKS AWAY AND RUNS (More like waddles) TO THE OPPOSITE CORNER AND SQUASHED FIZ! THAT’S 500 POUNDS THAT JUST RAN INTO FIZ!!!!! FIZ IS DAZED AND GETS PUSHED DOWN BY JRO. OH NO….JRO BEGINS TO SIT ON FIZ!! Devon: FIZ IS GETTING CRUSHED! HE’S RUNNING OUT OF OXYGEN AT A FAST RATE!!!!!!!! THE REFEREE IS ASKING HIM IF HE’S GOING TO GIVE UP!! Fiz: No! Hijo: I think he is about to regret that…..SOMEBODY GET MEDICAL ATTENTION! (JRO begins to jump up and down on the chest of Fiz!) TD: THIS DOES NOT LOOK GOOD!!! JRO SAYS HE’S ABOUT TO END THIS! HE JUMPS UP ONE LAST TIME...BUT FIZ STICKS HIS HANDS OUT AND BARELY STOPS HIM FROM SITTING ON HIS RIBS! HE PRESSES HIS FEET UP AGAINST JRO’S ASS AND PUSHES HIM OFF TO BREAK FREE!!!! Devon: Kudos to Fiz for that! Look who has decided to join the fun!!!!!!! (Kirby jumps into the ring, ready to challenge JRO.) JRO: Ha. Ghey. (Kirby begins to suck JRO up but JRO is so god damn big Kirby better have some strong lungs.) Devon: I don’t think Kirby was prepared for this, JRO isn’t even moving. JRO opens his mouth….AND BEGINS SUCKING IN KIRBY! KIRBY IS TRYING AS HARD AS HE CAN BUT JRO SWALLOWS HER WHOLE! (Jiggly Puff floats into the ring looking for revenge as she leaps and hits JRO in the stomach but she gets caught in his rolls. He pulls her out and drops her right down his gullet!) Devon: THIS IS JUST SICK! I BET THIS ISN’T THE FIRST TIME THAT FAT BASTARD HAS HAD SECONDS TODAY! FIZ IS IN A RANGE AS HE SHOWS ALMOST SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH! UPPERCUT RIGHT TO JRO! JRO IS ACTUALLY HURT, OH MY GOD...FIZ JUST BODYSLAMMED HIM! COVER!!!!! ONEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! KICKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TD: JRO IS JUST TOO BIG TO HOLD DOWN THAT EASILY! FIZ ROLLS OUT OF THE RING AND COMES BACK IN WITH A TABLE AS HE SETS IT UP IN THE RING! THIS IS ABOUT TO GET GOOD!!! FIZ PUTS JRO ON THE TABLE -- AND IT BREAKS UNDER HIS WEIGHT BEFORE FIZ COULD EVEN PUT HIM THROUGH IT! It looks like that plan was a bust, what should Fiz do now? He picks JRO back up and slaps the ever loving shit out of JRO’s chest, leaving a big red hand print! He tries another but JRO catches both hands before wrapping his arms around Fiz for a bearhug! Hijo: Fiz is fighting back as much as he can but JRO is just way too poweful! It looks like Fiz has given up, he puts his arms down and stops fighting. Fiz: Guess I have to ease the pain somehow…. (Fiz pulls out a lighter and has a huge blunt in his hand and 4/20 blazes it all up in this bitch. Fiz blows the smoke in JRO’s face, causing JRO to cough up a storm and let go. Fiz sees this as he chance and goes on the attack but suddenly…..) Devon: MARIO JUMPS OUT OF THE SKY AND HITS A GOOMBA SMASH ON FIZ!!!!!!!!! FIZ IS OUT OF IT AND JRO GRABS HIM…...THE MICRODICK DRIVER, THREE INCHES OF FURY JUST WENT INTO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TD: LUCINA COMES IN AND BREAKS UP THE PIN! THAT IS THE FIRST TIME JRO HAS EVER BEEN TOUCHED BY A WOMAN AND HE’S ABOUT TO MAKE IT HIS LAST!!! HE GRABS LUCINA BY THE HAIR AND…..IT SEEMS HE’S A BIT DISTRACTED….. JRO: Dat azz……. Lucina: Are you drawing your sword? Wait no it’s too small to be a sword...a dagger? A tooth pick? Wait...OH DEAR GOD!!!!! JRO: You guessed it ;) Hijo: LUCINA PUNCHES JRO RIGHT IN THE FACE BUT JRO LAYS HER OUT WITH THE MICRODICK DRIVER AS WELL! JRO HAS LAID OUT EVERYONE IN HIS PATH AND HE’S INSTRUCTING MARIO AND LUIGI TO DISPOSE OF THEM QUICKLY! JRO PICKS UP FIZ LOOKING TO HIT HIS DRIVER FOR THE 3RD AND FINAL TIME! (The crowd is in shock as Mario takes off his classic red overalls to reveal….a Doctor’s coat!) Dr Mario: It’s a me! Devon: DOCTOR MARIO IS IN THE BUILDING AND JRO HAS NO IDEA!!!!!!!!! TURN AROUND YOU IDIOT!!!!! (JRO turns around and is in shock.) JRO: What the hell!? You can’t be real! Dr. Mario: Oh yes I am! You should have believed the leak bitch. (Dr. Mario headbutts JRO right in the stomach as he spits our Kirby and Jiggly. He backs away into Fiz who rolls him up for the pin.) ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) Heather112: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…….FIZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Duck Hunt Dog is seen in the background of the celebration as he snickers at JRO’s loss. We cut to Boograssi at the police station explaining his case.) Boograssi: Just tell me why I’m here already! Secretary: We were told by 2 unnamed sources that you possess pictures of children on your computer. Boograssi: What? No I don’t! Secretary: Than tell me what these pics we found on your computer are. (A pasty english girl and some 12 year old looking girl are seen.) Boograssi: Those are Paige and AJ, Heo saves those on my computer to fap to them when he comes over. They aren’t even little girls, they’re older than me! Secretary: Oh….. Boograssi: What kind of idiot runs this place? Secretary: Hey now, lieutenant Darren Wilson does a marvelous job, this is just one slip up. Boograssi: Sure…..one. Who were the two sources anyway? Secretary: Well since it was a fake report I guess no need in hiding it….a person named Zeebem10 and his friend Windindi. Boograssi: Son of a bitch! They’re trying to screw me out of the belt there’s no way I’ll make it in time! Secretary: There’s a way……. Boograssi: What is it? Secretary: Allow me to show you. (We cut to Windindi and Zeebem10 already in the ring as they tell Heather to count.) Heather112: Due to the absence of Boograssi, should he not make this 10 count he will have forfeited his TDRPW title and it will be awarded to Zee and Windindi! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) ONEEEEEE………..TWOOOOOOOO……..THREEE……..FOUR……. (Grass has still not appeared.) FIVE……..SIX…………..SEVEN…….. (No sign of him yet.) EIGHT…….NINE…………. (This bitch better hurry the fuck up.) TEN……. (Boograssi crashes through the building in a taxi can as it lands in the ring.) Boograssi: How much do I owe you? Noah: That will be 9.99. (Boograssi pays his fare as Noah pulls out of the ring.) Noah: Thank you, come again! Hijo: It looks like the match will happen! Zeebem makes a dash for Grass but Grass ducks it and nails a spinebuster! WIND JUMPS ON THE BACK OF GRASS AND PUTS HIM IN A SLEEPER HOLD BUT GRASS GRABS HIM, THROWS HIM TO THE CANVAS AND WHEN HE GETS UP HITS A SPEAR! HE PICKS UP ZEEBEM…….BOOTISTA BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE PICKS UP WIND NEXT…….ANOTHER BOOTISTA BOMB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COVER!!!!!!!!!!!! ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) Announcer: HERE IS YOUR WINNER AND STILL TDRPW CHAMPION…….BOOGRASSI!!!!!!!!!! TD: WHAT A CLOSE CALL FOR GRASS! (We get a commercial announcing the continuation of Total Drama Boney Island but that cuts as a voice begins to yell.) Voice Over: Coming on December 5th…….every….TDRPW The Series episode….ever…...UPLOADED ON THE SAME DAY AT ONCE!!!!!!!!!!! EPISODE’S 5, 6, 7 AND 8 ON ONE NIGHT! MARK YOUR CALENDARS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (The commercial ends and we cut back to Heather11203333.) Heather112: This next match is scheduled for one fall and is for the TDRPW WORLD HEAVY WEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!! “GOOF TROOP, WE’RE BEST, BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (The Goof Troop theme song plays as Dark makes his way to the ring.) Heather112: Introducing first, the challenger, from Brooklyn New York…...TEAMDARKFAN!!!!!!!!!!!! (A church choir comes out.) “LET THEM SEE YOU………..” “IN ME………………….” (Heo comes out with his pastor bowtie, bible in hand and Flanders by his side.) Heather112: MAKING HIS WAY TO THE RING, HE IS THE TDRPW WORLD CHAMPION…..HEOZAKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) (Heo walks up to Dark with a smile on his face.) Heo: Care for a pre match prayer? Dark: Man I’m too Max Goof for that fuq boi shit. Heo: Fine than…. Hijo: HEO HITS DARK RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH THAT BIBLE! HEO KICKS AWAY AT DARK WHILE HE IS DOWN AND THEN PULLS HIM IN FOR A SUPLEX! HE STAYS ON TOP OF DARK AND RAINS IN WITH THE RIGHT HOOKS! TD: HEO PICKS UP DARK ; DDT ONTO THAT HOLY BOOK! HEO COVERS!!!!!! ONEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! KICKOUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heo: Lord, why couldn’t I win there and then?....I think I know what you want... Devon: Heo sees what he must do now! He tells Flanders to bring out a chair and Flanders complies! Flanders goes behind us and pulls out a chair, he slides it in -- BUT HOMER MAKES A DASH THROUGH THE CROWD AND TACKLES FLANDERS! HE PUTS FLANDERS ON THE SPANISH ANNOUNCE TABLE…..BELLY FLOP THROUGH THE TABLE, TAKING BOTH OF THEM OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hijo: During this time Heo was distracted and gets taken down by a dropkick! Dark puts his helmet and shades on before he goes to the top rope…..AND HE HITS A HEADBUTT ON HEO USING THE HELMET! HE GOES FOR THE COVER!!!! (Just as Dark covers 2 more men come from the crowd, this time it’s Willow and Bo Dallas who beat the fuck out of the referee so he can’t count the pin!) Bo Dallas: You need to learn Dark! You need to Bolieve…. Willow: In Willow’s way!!!!!!!!!!!! (The Goof Troop theme plays yet again much to everyone’s confusion.) TD: IT’S PAPA GOOFY HERE TO HELP HIS SON! HE GRABS THE TWO GUYS BY THEIR SHIRTS AND TAKES THEM AWAY AS META RUNS INTO THE RING TO TAKE OVER AS REFEREE!!!!!!!!!!!!! DARK COVERS AND THIS TIME NOBODY IS THERE TO STOP HIM!!!!!!!!!!! ONEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!! …………………………………………... (The lights all go out in the building.) Hijo: WHAT IS THIS!? (A single light beams on the ring.) TD: COULD IT BE….? Devon: OUR LORD AND SAVIOR IS HERE!!!!!!!!!! “FEELING GOOD ON A WEDNESDAY……” Dark: The heck? “PUSH! PUSH! PUSH!” (Lorde walks through the crowd and waves at dark.) Hijo: This must have been the “Lorde” who talked to Heo!! UH OH!!!!! (Heo turns Dark around and hits him with the chair before covering.) TD: DAMN IT, NO!!!!!!!!! ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) Heather112: HERE IS YOUR WINNER………..HEOZAKI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TD: Not this fucking guy….. (Heo holds the title belt high just before we get a video package of the feud between Chwiis and Rocker. The package stops as we see Toast backstage in his Toastman outfit after hearing about a disaster going on.) Toast: I have to go! Chwiis: BUT WHAT ABOUT THE MATCH MATE!? Toast: I’m sorry but I must help the city of Townsville!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOAST MAN, AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Chwiis: God damn it looks like we’ll be a man short….. (Chwiis hears his theme play.) Chwiis: Ok guys, we have to go!! Ally: Actually, I’m tired of you bullies, I think I’m going to leave too. Chwiis: What? Ally: Bye baes! (Ally takes her leave too.) Chwiis: THAT SLUT!....We can still do well with three people right? Rimie: Well actually Chwiis, I don’t think I wrestle well with other people, my mom’s taking me out of the match so I can do it at home on my trampoline….. Chwiis: OH FUCK ME! Shrek: I can gladly do that. Chwiis: *sigh* I still have you Shrek...let’s go. (Chwiis and Shrek head into the ring on their own.) Heather112: Introducing first…….TEAM CHWIIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (“Big Booty Bitches” plays as Rocker, Bat, Ultra, Noah and Rocky come out.) Heather112: AND THEIR OPPONENTS…...TEAM ROCKER!!!!!!!!! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) Devon: IT IS ON HOES!!!!! THE MATCH BEGINS AS NOAH AND SHREK START OFF! (Noah and Shrek meet face to face in the ring.) Noah: DEATH TO THE INFIDELS! (Noah takes multiple hits at Shrek but Shrek seems to be unphased. Noah backs away, realizing shit is about to go down up in here.) Shrek: It’s all ogre now. (Shrek pushes Noah down and begins to pull down his pants.) TD: OH DEAR GOD!!!! (Shrek fills his butt with love repeatedly square in the middle of the ring. He finishes his job as the referee kicks him out, disqualifying him.) Heather112: SHREK IS OUT OF THE MATCH FOR SEXUAL ASSAULT! NOAH TOO HAS BEEN ELIMINATED TO BE PUT ON BUTT REST! (Chwiis stands alone in the ring to face 4 other competitors.) Hijo: Welp. Chwiis is pretty much fucked. Bat runs up to the expert survivalist and clotheslines the shit out of Chwiis and stomps away. Bat presses Chwiis against the turnbuckle, kneeing him in the nuts a few times before grabbing him by the shirt and tossing him into the steel post that keeps the ring together! Chwiis falls down in a heap at the corner and Bat backs away, hoping to hit a splash on Chwiis! (Bat whistles as a signal and multiple Twinkies hold Chwiis back.) TD: HE JUMPS ONTO CHWIIS BUT CHWIIS USES THE TWINKIES AS SHIELDS AS BAT’S CREAM FILLED FAMILY EXPLODES ALL OVER THE PLACE! BAT IS BLINDED AND THAT GIVES CHWIIS THE PERFECT CHANCE TO ROLL HIM UP! ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!! Heather112: BATMANTDI HAS BEEN ELIMINATED TD: OOOOH GURL BYE! Hijo: ULTRA ROLLS INTO THE RING TO GET IN ON THE ACTION BUT CHWIIS IS PREPARED AND STARTS GOING ON THE ATTACK! OH! BUT ROCKER GOES BACK TO HIS HOOD ROOTS AND JUMPS DAT BITCH LIKE HE’S A BLOOD IN THE BACK ALLEY! THIS IS NO DQ SO THEY CAN ALL JUST BEAT DOWN ON CHWIIS WITHOUT TAGGING IN FOR AS LONG AS THEY WANT! Rocker: ROCKY GET YO CORNBREAD, CRACKER ASS IN THIS RING! Rocky: How about you get on your knees and do some sucking? Rocker: Can’t suck air Jan. (Rocker flips Rocky the bird and then runs up Chwiis, punching him in the face.) Rocker: Tie that motherfucker up! Devon: ULTRA USES THE ROPES TO TIE UP CHWIIS’ ARMS! CHWIIS IS TRAPPED, HE CAN’T FIGHT BACK! (Rocker takes off his belt.) Rocker: THE SHOE IS ON THE OTHER FOOT RACIST BITCH! Devon: ROCKER WHIPS THE SHIT OUT OF THAT MANKY HAIRED BITCH BOY! CHWIIS IS YELLING IN PAIN AS ROCKER KEEPS WHIPPING AND WHIPPING! THIS IS SOME SHIT STRAIGHT OUTTA PASSION OF THE CHRIST RIGHT HERE! (Eventually the knot wears out and the hold is free as Chwiis falls down. Rocker begins posing, happy over his work.) Rocker: Finish the fucker! Hijo: Ultra picks up Chwiis on his shoulders..he’s going for The Mickie D’s DDT! IT CONNECTS! NO, CHWIIS TRIPS HIM UP AND TURNS IT INTO A PIN!!!!!!! ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heather112: ULTRA HAS BEEN ELIMINATED!!!!! Rocker: How the fuck did that happen! TD: IT IS DOWN TO THE FINAL THREE! ROCKER AND CHWIIS ARE OPPOSITE OF EACH OTHER, READY TO DO BATTLE! Chwiis: Alright you can drop the act mate. Devon: What in the hell is he talking about? (Rocky walks into the ring and is by Chwiis’ side.) Rocker: You fucking would. Rocky: You’re about to learn a valuable lesson. Don’t trust anybody. Chwiis: Damn straight. Rocky: That applies to you too Chwiis. TD: ROCKY HIT CHWIIS WITH THE STONE GOAT STUNNER! HE FLIPS OFF CHWIIS AND STARTS DOING CROTCH CHOPS! ROCKER IS LAUGHING! WAS THIS ALL PART OF A PLAN!? (Rocker goes to offer a handshake.) TD: OH HERE IT IS, HE SHAKES HIS HAND…. WAIT NO, ROCKY IGNORES IT AND WALKS OUT OF THE RING? IT LOOKS LIKE HE DID THIS ON HIS OWN WITH HIS OWN AGENDA! ROCKER TAKES ADVANTAGE! COVER!!!!! ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! Hijo: NO! NO! CHWIIS KICKS OUT! ROCKER IS PACING AROUND WONDERING WHAT THE NEXT COURSE OF ACTION IS! HE PICKS UP CHWIIS…..DIS DICK DRIVER!!!! Devon: CHWIIS COUNTERS IT! OH NO…….THE LONG SHAFT DRILLER RIGHT ON ROCKER! HE COVERS!!!!!!!!!!! ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (A green light shoots through Rocker’s body as he pushes Chwiis off with no effort. Here it is. Keanu Reeves. He puts on his shades and trench coat as Chwiis stands in awe.) Chwiis: OH SHIT YOU’RE SAMUEL L. JACKSON! Rocker: NO THE FUCK IM NOT, IT’S KEANU! Chwiis: N*gga I’ve seen Matrix, Keanu isn’t black! Rocker:............ Chwiis: Yeeeaaaahhh…I kinda know I’m fucked at this point, just finish me….. Rocker: Gladly white rice. TD: DIS DICK DRIVER!!!!!!!!!!!! ONEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Ding! Ding! Ding!) Heather112: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…...TEAM ROCKER!!!!!!!!!! TD: Oh god what a match! BUT WHY DID ROCKY DO THAT? WHY DID HE TURN HIS BACK ON CHWIIS? Devon: I am just as lost as you are, I guess we’ll have to find out next month for the next special! Hijo: I’m getting word from the back that we have a small video to show you all regarding that event! (A commercial airs hyping it.) Voice Over: Before the Royal Rumble...before feuds end….before we can start the road to Wrestlemania..there is…..CHATDOWN! A 3rd championship debuts….the tag team championship……. (The excitment in the narrator’s voice rises.) Voicer Over: DARK AND GRASS VS CHWIIS AND HEO VS RJ AND FIZ IN A TAKI’S LADDERS AND CHAIRS MATCH! ALSO ROCKY PROMISES TO EXPLAIN HIS ACTIONS IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, YOU DO NOT WANT TO MISS THIS EVENT! Hijo: You heard the man, get hyped! WE’LL SEE YOU THEN ON CHATDOWN BUT FOR NOW THIS IS IT FOR US! I’M HIJO WILLIAMS SIGNING OFF FOR DEVON AND TD, HAVE A GREAT NIGHT EVERYONE!!!!!!!! (The crowd is still cheering their hearts out as the TDRPW production logo appears, signifying the end of the show.)